In my 29 years (in 2021) of providing individual and couples therapy as a gay men’s specialist, I’ve certainly seen the variety of styles of gay men’s relationships, and they are all over the map (literally, when I work with guys all over the world) in terms of relationship style, personalities involved, and what those needs are.
Your needs, and your partner’s needs, can vary widely.
The most fundamental function of an interpersonal, domestic relationship with a partner/spouse is to get your needs met. Being single and dating can be filled with all kinds of romantic fantasies, idealizations, and just a shift in priorities that don’t necessarily play out over time.
As someone in a 19-year gay relationship with my partner/husband, I always say to clients that the things that seem important during dating aren’t really the things that are important that hold up in long-term relationships. In a previous article ( here), I cautioned single gay men about their dating skills and avoiding the all-too-often seen pitfalls of putting the emphasis in dating on the wrong things, such as Cash, Connections, and C-k.
